This full on must be the facebook group for emotionally stunted remorseless murderers. Because, to care about people and become 'emotionally involved' is usually to do with living breathing beings.
Not lifeless mannequins who play characters on the OC. Shouldn't you become emotionally involved over people (actors) that have more than one facial expression? Sure that Rachel Bilson had 3 (max) different facial expressions. But they all come under that one emotional display of hers: annoying. She successfully portrayed the emotion 'annoying' with great precision.

Okay, I could be here all night recommending rabbit videos on youtube, but if there's one more you really need to see, it's called "Incredible cuteness overload."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHABT2Adee0

It also features this guy in the background with glasses. Creepy reading glasses. You may notice him. This guy has a pet baby bunny and he wears glasses. If that's not the tell tale sign of a serial killer then I don't know what is. But the bunny. The bunny!

You have to watch it right until the end. It gets Frech to the Bench at about 1.40.

The baby bunny, no foolin', full on eats this flower *whoa* and then washes it's adorable little face. Ugh. I'd kill all my loved ones if this bunny asked.

Where do you buy the shrunken elongated fruits? (said in a Middle Eastern accent.)

Well, have I had a day? Yes. I went to uni, I came home, I had some cookies and milk, I went to godhatesfags.com, which then led me to jewskilledjesus.com. I'll probably retire to have some dinner, think about looking at my text books, hastily stow my textbooks away and pop Clueless into the dvd player. Alicia Silverstone and I need to be on more of a first name basis. It's something people often say to me.
"You know, Liam, you should be on more of a first name basis with Alicia Silverstone" they will say.

"I know, I know" I will reply.

Anyway, godhatesfags.com is some kind of American religious movement... not just a website. Just like Alicia Silverstone isn't just an actress, she's also a website. But anyway, I learnt a lot of interesting things about Alicia Silverstone. Did you know she's been in like, 4 Aerosmith film clips? Also, god hates fags. He hates them so much he's made signs. And that's the ultimate. You don't get your message out there by flooding the world or impregnating a virgin with Jesus. No, that's not how you get noticed. It's with signs. It's all about signs these days.

I've worked it out. She's wearing a red balaclava/face warmer type thing. Yes, I've been staring at it too. Now where have my delicious kids gotten to?

Here, a young gentlemen uses the 'ultraliminal' technique of getting his point across. He wants these young ladies to eat their babies. And there's no better way to command people to do your bidding than by getting it right in their faces. Trust me, after seeing that sign for a few more seconds, they will eat their babies.

I'd have prefered a play on rabies and babies with this one. Something along the lines of "Rabbis give rabies to raped babies." That would have been catchier.

Person in my class I don't know well enough to even know his name: What do you think my next tattoo should be?

Me: 2 black guys giving each other a 69er.

Person in my class I don't know well enough to even know his name: Huh?

Would you say you like kids? I wouldn't. Even if I did, I wouldn't say it. Because that is the tell tale sign of a paedophile my friend.

This, I am okay with. (Although, the matching septum and lip piercings and the tan are pushing it.)

This however, I find repulsive and weird. And I question why she doesn't grow her pinky toe nails.

That is all.

The thing about becoming a Master Pokemon, and not a Pokemon Master, was that I no longer felt as if Ash was holding me back.
Back in the day it could be up to 7 new challenges a week. Often emotional challenges arising mainly from Ash's general ineptitude. And I felt as if his soul-searching and emotional turmoil was just an excuse. An excuse for him being a cunt.
Squirtle, whom I still keep in touch with once told me quite candidly that "Trying is just an excuse for doing."
And I mean, how fucking true is that? Squirtle wouldn't just say that kind of shit if he couldn't back it up.
Anyway, leaving Ash was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sure he left a few abusive messages on my voice mail, but in the long run, a few abusive voice mails is a short price to pay for constantly being in someone's shadow. And the shadow of a cunt is a treacherous shadow to walk in. Pika pika.

- exert from The Pikachu Monologues. Pre-order yours now from all leading retailers.

Friends are also like potatoes in that if you bake them until golden brown, they become golden brown. (Except for my Indian friends. Potatoes are nothing like Indian friends.)

I didn't go. I don't have the courage to be alone in a room full of socialists and at least 1 Palestinian.
I am more disappointed I didn't get to see his presentation than I am with myself. Just hope all the good towns don't get blown up before I get to attend an event based around it. The Middle East huh? What a crack up!

I'm going to a Palestinian photo journalist's presentation about the time he was in a Palestinian village that was destroyed by Israeli troops.
It's going to be so full of rage. And someone's agenda! Yay!
And get this, it's being promoted by something calling itself Socialist Alternative.
I'm not sure if they're socialist and alternative or an alternative to socialism, but it's going to be in a QUT classroom full of scum.
I may even stay for Question and Answer time 'cause I really wanna hear "The thing about America is the Jews" followed quickly by "Australia needs to be more accepting of Islam." Because I don't hear these things enough. And Question and Answer time is more to do with telling others about how aware you are... socially.
I just hope no one else is wearing fur... or if anyone wears diamonds, that would suck. I need to look more 'entitled capitalist asshole' than anyone there.

You know what else sucks? I have to go alone. Because my friends would rather go to work or uni than see this free sideshow display. Which makes me seem like a fucking socialist. Because I don't gotta go to either of those things. Ugh.

froth

Yes yeah yup the shaved side.

I wish Brisbane was colder for many reasons. Mainly so homeless people would die off come Winter. What, so Japan doesn't have homeless people now? You've always got a problem with Brisbane.
No, they just die during Winter. When the snow melts the dead bodies drift back into the ocean. Whales eat the bodies. Japanese people eat whales and thus the circle of life preserves itself.

I'm thinking of imposing this system right here in Brisbane.
I'd be bringing homeless people to you seasonally.
No one likes something you can get all year 'round. Apples and coca-cola: Boring.
Mangoes and strawberries? Hell yeah, I wait all year for that shit!
And so you do. Gone will be the days of seeing the lovable tramp all year round. That down on his luck vagrant that boosts your self-esteem ever so much, will now be available only during Autumn!

Seriously, I'd be so much more accepting (is that the right word?) of homeless cunts if I came to see them as a surprise... instead of a constant part of the scenery.

(Note: The Japanese Government supplies homeless people with extra bedding and blankets come Winter. It's so they don't have to clean up frozen corpses from the sidewalk. This is the same government that raped Nanjing. Okay, not the same government. But they've both got it wrong.)

This is a week old now, but Former Scientologist tells of abortions, Chinese man tells of chin tumour pain AND Katie Price to launch toddler make-up range.

Never has ninemsn pleased me and informed me, more than that particular week. (Note: I only read the 'Scientology forced abortion' story. But the other stories still warmed my heart. Or whatever.)

Terry Richardson does what? No, really? Really? REALLY? ... duh

I shouldn't be allowed to have facebook

Like taking photos of these people and they're disgusting teeth was anything other than a bad idea. Maybe I don't miss Japan. Or I would miss it less if people here would quit with the peace sign during photos. Seriously, Australians, when the fuck have you ever advocated peace anyway. Next thing you know fat Australians are going to stop brushing their teeth.

I think the reason I'm sounding so angry right now is from some kind of post break-up reverse-pychology jealous bitching. "If I can't have Japan, it's a dumb slut anyway" kind of emotional breakdown. "Uhmm, Liam, didn't Japan break up with you?"

I'm too good for Japan!

Heh, but seriously, look at these people. I don't chill with fat people here and I sure as hell didn't hang with those yokels over there.

I need these sunnies. I'm willing to kill for them. (In the abortion sense. I'd pay for an abortion if it came with these glasses.)

It's like god answered my prayers and dropped this girl from heaven. Miraculously she didn't splatter all over the side-walk, but she looks a triffle pissed. Well-dressed AND pissed off. She was made for me. Think of all the destructive love we would make. Think of how we would grow to resent eachother. Oh, is there nothing more beautiful than this, the woman I'd eventually accuse of being a fat whore? No, no there isn't. Even a milkshake made from butterflies wouldn't be this beautiful.

Does anyone remember that post about t-shirts with tits on them? (Or am I just a complete fucking joke to you?)

Well, my DEAR father, who art in heaven, got all up in some fashion designer's grill, and by his divine grass, gives us this;

Get one for your blind nan. Do it!

I have just found my new favourite tv show (beat it, Veronica Mars and twee British comedies!)

It's called OUT OF THE BLUE. And it's about 47 main characters who all live in this fictional Australian suburb. What I like most about it is they all have pleasing haircuts. I'm not sure about the basic story line, but it's something like Street Fighter II. You know, warriors from all around the globe battle it out to see who is the world's stongest.

There's also a girl in a wheelchair who is just pretending she can't walk. Because she can. DRAMA!

It's on Sundays at midday on channel 10. I may even watch it next week.

The channel 10 website informs me that: "Set in the beautiful Sydney beach resort of Manly, Out Of The Blue is a drama about blue sky, sun and surf - and the storms that can rip through when you least expect them..." But really, that's the shittiest description I've ever heard.

Too much love

I take solace in the fact that Hansi will someday end up looking like this:

The Jew hating bitch.

Sending you love and light

Jeez, that's a lot of hate posting right there. I'm gonna change this up a bit and send some love out to the universe.

Also, Japanese people have the worst teeth. Skinny, dental hygiene lacking freaks. That's what they are. But it's all about what's on the inside that counts. Right? Wrong.

Lemme clear this up

I know you're probably thinking I'm some kind of racist after the last post. I hear ya. Not all fat women are white. But just indulge me one minute and let me start a sentence with the most douche-burgery phrase known to man...

In Japan the ladies are slim. More often than not, not fat.

And it's not that I don't love being greeted back to the country by dreadful looking women. I'd say 50% of the female population at my university are totally rocking the short denim shorts and massive thighs look. Not all of them are white, but let's face it, they ain't Japanese.

Oh, and men are fat too. Yup, all kinds of people, men and women, children, gays, people of all races, creeds and nationalities, all of them can be fat. All of them are equally disgusting. But especially white women.

I don't know whether this chair is made out of a white woman, is impersonating a white woman, or if this is a white woman doing her best to simulate a chair.

What I do know, is that this chair reminds me a lot of a white woman.

Pretentious photography gettin' messed

That's a lot of semen.

The warm semi-sepia tones contrast well with fellatio, wouldn't you say?
Photography is pretty immature. Pretentious and now pornographic. What next?
At least they didn't add some fucked 'inspirational' phrase.



"Why is it okay for smokers to take breaks all the time? If I wanna go outside and hang out once an hour, then I’ll just take up smoking. I’ll do it. I don’t care."
Kelly Kapoor


David Byrne, Fatboy Slim, Cyndi Lauper and Tori Amos - Why Don't You Love Me

Is probably a song everyone says they "really feel." Mainly it's because there are 3 famous people involved. Is David Byrne the guy who did "Into the Eyeball" that came free with Windows Vista?

Haven't even heard this song. How indie am I right now? Fatboy Slim is soooo mainstream.

After saying that I feel as distressed as the denim I'm gonna wear tomorrow night.

It really affects my self esteem that I don't have enough money to do cocaine.

This marks my 2nd week back in Australia . And "1st week back in Australia Liam" was much much cooler. An all-round better person.
It's difficult not to be that guy who always bags out on stuff. Constantly comparing, complaining and starting sentences with "In Japan...".
I'd much prefer if people would stop asking me vague/general questions about it. Or maybe I'll just save all the hassle and print out these stock-standard answer sheets.

Standard question: How was Japan?
Standard response: Good.
What people really wanna hear: I impregnated a girl and overcame a sex addiction.


Standard question: What did you do for fun there?
Standard response: Partied, ate, went to tourist destinations, stayed up late. What I usually do for fun... just in Japan.
What people really wanna hear: In Japan we ride leopards around for fun. And burn witches. They don't have any bars or live music, so I had to study karate for fun.


Standard question: What did you eat?
Standard response: Food.
What people really wanna hear: Bugs and more bugs.


Standard question: What do you like about Japan?
Standard response: The nice things.
What people really wanna hear: An in depth report on every fucking thing that I find pleasant about Japan, ranging from climate to sociocultural by-products of a former fascist nation under supreme religious rule now dealing with what some might call excessive liberties and freedom and a historically conservative cellular memory.

Cunts, be specific.

"I'd so like for some guy to stick his fingers down his throat and vomit right now." - Nikki P

Pink Bullet were definitely interesting. So check them out or see them around Brisbane. Or stick your fingers down your throat and vomit for my friends. There's no reason why you can't do both.

http://www.myspace.com/pinkbulletband

Pepsi Japan (possibly not a real company) came out with these Japanese influenced flavours for 2009. Above is Pepsi Shiso. That spicy little green leaf you get with your tempura or on your squid sushi. This was literally a shiso flavoured drink... not shiso flavoured Pepsi. It was light green in colour and as you can see... delicious enough to buy 2.

A few months after what I assume was the ungodly success of Pepsi Shiso (see "Soft drink elected mayor"), we were greeted with Pepsi Azuki. Featuring the sweet taste of sweet red azuki beans. Yeah, it was a deep red and whether or not it reallly tasted like azuki, I can't say. But it was better than shiso. Regardless of what some might tell you.

Japan is fun for so many reasons. But mainly commercial ones. For months Fanta Japan (?) had it's Fanta World campaign. (Campaigning for more money.)

Fanta Italy was peach flavoured. (Go figure.)

Fanta France was green grapes. (Because purple grape Fanta is a regular in Japan. You can get it at McDonalds'.)

Fanta New Zealand was "cassis" (some crazy word for blackcurrent liquer?)... and we were all hoping for kiwi fruit Fantaaaa-AH! Wouldn't that have been more appropriaaAAHHHte?

And there was a red apple Fanta... but I can't remember what country that was. What country was responsible for the common red apple? Well that was it.

BUT they got it right when some cheerful chap on the board was like "America... they're local produce is hip-hop. Right?"

Right you are! It tasted like carbonated peach iced tea and was the biggest regret of my life. But maybe that's what hip-hop tastes like? ICED TEA. OHH! I just made a relevant hip hop pun. Seriously, when was hip hop ever relevant? And when would hip hop ever be anything but a regret? And I saved the best for last. This is Felix Felicis; CHOCO. LATE. FLAVOURED. SOFT. DRINK. It was a trip and a half. It's clear... it's chocolate to the taste and chocolate to the touch... and it reeks of chocolate. Like a big dying hump of chocolate that's been beaten into submission by chocolate Karate champions... with chocolate covered nunchucks.

I'm unsure if it was good or bad. But I need to get across to you that this is a chocolate soda. It's called Chocolate Sparkling!! It's clear like Sprite. Run for the hills. Run for the hills... in the good sense of that phrase.

If you ever need something, anything, you could call me (pfffft). Or you could do the responsible thing and try http://smilepanic.com/. There's a good chance it'll make you want to say something hurtful to the ones you love... that's how good it is. I kind of fuckin' hate it.

Friday afternoon thoughts with Liam Mcgiam

Does this clock scare the shit out of you? Yeah? Mmmmhhhmmm. That's the kind of clock cannibalistic serial killers have on their walls. So they know when it's killing time.

Ever seen anyone wear a hat like this? I'm bringing it to you! Boom.

Nutelleria is a word I need to stop using in day to day conversation. Particularly when I'm neither referring to Nutella nor Nutella based products.

Crispin Glover's character from the new Alice in Wonderland has a heart shaped eye-patch. If there's one thing this country needs, I guess it's more of that. And less Rihanna. And more Bowie.

exert from chapter 2

"Holy mother of God! That's the biggest crab I've ever seen," said the doctor as he excavated what he said was 'the biggest crab he'd ever seen' from my genitals.
Crabs, as I'm led to believe is a very common sexually transmitted disease. So I didn't feel at all embarrassed. I guess, being a prostitute really boosts your self esteem or something, because I felt great.
"Sooo... you're a doctor, hey? That must be nice," I said, lying on the examination table covered in my own blood as the doctor continued to battle the crab colony that was festering all over my genitals.
"Yes... it's fine. I guess," the doctor replied, playing hard to get.

"But it must be hard. All that hard work. So hard. I bet you just want to... relax every now and then, huh?" I continued.

"Yeah, I guess. What are you getting at?"

"BJ's $7, anything else is 15 for half an hour."


-award exploding literature, Liam's phantasmagorial new novel; "My Life as a Prostitute"

I've got my life together

Missed the entire first week of uni. Didn't get around to buying a functional phone. 2 parties. 2 taxis. Sister Act 2? Haven't seen The Wolfman. Alice in Wonderland tickets all sold out at imax. Contracted 17 deadly diseases, 3 of which were previously thought to only affect horses.
It's tough living a mature and independent life. But I'm fucking nailing it. Living with parents. Unemployed. Zebra print hat. It's the dream. And I'm riding that dream like a pony.

I woke up next to a dead body. Whether it was already decomposing or still fresh, I couldn't tell. I got up off the mattress in the middle of the otherwise empty room. "Where is all the furniture?" I wondered. "This place is a renovation nightmare."
My mind was going a million miles an hour, as it tends to in those situations. "Those curtains aren't even... ugh... I can't even look at this."
I exited the hideous room, leaving it's only redeeming feature (the corpse on the mattress) to try and permeate. It was a Feng Shui thing. Hopefully the corpse on mattress would generate good chi. "Enough good chi to burn those curtains and install some new floor boards and some dramatic lighting" I thought.

- segment from Liam's epic blockbuster novel "My Life as a Prostitute"

I had class today. I didn't go, but it was on. Who would have thought I wouldn't wake up in time to make it to a midday class?
You see, I have this tendency (some would call it a flaw) to put things off until the last minute. Things like sleep. Hence why I'm writing this at 10 past 1 in the morning.
I don't have class tomorrow however. I put that off until Friday.
I met my niece today. She is under 1. After about 5 minutes with her I told my sister (her mother) about these monkeys I fed in Kyoto. I basically related her child's intelligence with that of the monkeys. It was a really charming story. But I sugar-coated it to sound like the monkeys were EQUALLY as smart as my niece. I'm nice like that.
Then I asked how much money she reckoned a ransom for her daughter would cost. But I made that sound like "she's so cute it would be a lot of money." Of course I didn't actually use any of those words. But it was implied. A cuter child would cost more to get back... alive. It's only fair.

I am more in Australia than anyone right now. I'm fiercely in Australia.

I'd like to thank all the skanky bogans (aka every white person) on the flight from Taiwan to Australia, for making me feel even more at home, 8 hours before it was even necessary. True dat.