These are 2 editions of FILT magazine I have lying around my room. Filt is an amazing magazine because it's geared lightly toward smokers. Get it? FILTered cigarettes? I think...
If I can be so bold, it's like this magazine has no agenda. It's a free magazine, and the advertisements are from an instant coffee brand and a high class Tokyo restaurant. Like, no cigarette company is sponsoring it. This magazine is like a 35 year old with a nice outfit who doesn't care. I want to be this magazine for a day.

Wooo! Yeah, you rock!

You know what I love?!? Facebook updates about what people are doing tonight. Or at a very precise moment. Just everyday sort of things, you know? I love that. I don't here enough of it and I spend most of my free time wishing I knew more about the insane randomness of people's lives. Man, you guys! You guys are exciting.
And here are my main favourites, plus what they're really trying to say, minus the facebook innuendo:

  • "I'm going out tonight!" aka "I need to prove to you all I have a social life, though by doing this I just confirm that going out is such a rare occurrence for me, that I feel I have to mark the occasion with a status update"
    This status update also comes in 'seeing a movie tonight' and 'catching up with x individual/group'. Though the most appealing forms are 'going to Garden city tonight' and 'having dinner at cafe/restaurant'. Riveting.
    Check-it, we all go out.

  • "Gonna party!" aka "My sad sad life needs to look appealing. Look at me! Look at me!"
    This status update is reserved for when you really want to distinguish your usual boring plans from something that might sound interesting. You can also add in a destination if you're feeling bold e.g. "Partying it up at the Vic". But be warned, if you mention a club or a bar, everyone knows it's not an actual party. (Why? Because no one will be having sexual relations on someone else's linen. And a club and a party are different because of that.)

  • "Dinner, then club, then work, then another party!" aka "My social calender is so packed. Look how popular I am. Look how busy I am. I'm so adult-like, multi-tasking some part time job/study with clubbing and a perfunctory 21st birthday."
    Sometimes people go for the "21st this weekend, then ANOTHER 21st next weekend! Whoo!" status approach. This however, is suicide. Everyone knows you'll have a week to recover, and will wonder why you're such a pussy about it.
    Yeah, isn't it funny how things happen in a sort of linear fashion, one after the other, in correspondence with the passage of time? Just relax. It's natural to do things one after the other. It's natural to have more than 1 social occasion without a gap in between. It's natural to not have plans once a month.

  • "So hung over!" aka "Ya'll see? I just did something social. I am a party animal. I DO have a social life. I DO. See?!?"
    This is usually a 2 parter. First you're all like "Sooo going out tonight!" then you quickly hop on facebook the next day (realise no one gives a shit) and then update that status to something along the lines of "Last night was soooo epic. So wasted!" And that's how you make friends.

Why did I make this 2 posts? That shall be revealed to you when you die.
No real reason.

"I am a Black Man, not a Negro. Don't call me Negro." Okay. Stop yelling at me.

"Is he Church or Chapel?" Uhhhm, what the fuck are you on about? Church. He is defs church. But he's probs gay.

"Mrs. Dobson invited us to dinner after church." You can tell Mrs. Dobson to 'shove it.'
Because I take my language studies seriously, I invested in an electronic dictionary. It basically enables me to neglect vocab memorization and instead just hastily look things up ad nauseam. Also it has this nifty 'example sentence' function. Here are a few example sentences (excuse the crappy pictures. I'm a language student, not a photographer. I just wanted proof that I wasn't making this up) ...

"Trinity Church still functions as a house of worship and as a peaceful refuge for haggard businesspeople." Which is fine, I guess. If haggard business people are at church, then they're not bothering me elsewhere with their haggardness.

"You deliberately murdered that vagrant, John! Get going!" Quick, before the police come!

"Some people feel both boys and girls blossom when they study in the company of students of the same sex." Some people are disgusting. Cease and desist with the blossom feeling. What is with this sentence? I'm saying it to my Japanese teacher tomorrow morning. First thing. See if I get arrested.

"Enid said she was disgusted by the sex in the film." And I kind of agreed with Enid. For a porno that won so many awards, you expect a little more. I just didn't feel the acting-out of the sex was all that believable. One could say I am disgusted with it, in fact.

"Paul seems to regard sex as sinful and immoral." Paul needs to calm the fuck down.