Chelsea: Vodka cranberry comes out of your nipples? That is impressive.

Me: I'm making that my facebook status.

Chelsea: I just changed my fb name to Sauvignon Blanc.

"Take that you stupid fucking chair."

Everything seems in order here.


[Translation: Why have you gotten cuter!!!!!!]
Jeahee is hands down without a doubt my favourite Korean.
"What percentage of women are Oprah?"
I legitimately asked myself that today.

Oh me.


If this resided in my front yard I would not hesitate taking an axe to it. Probably not even under the cover of darkness. Just invite some friends over and hack away as they make their way to the front door. "Oh, haaai guys!"
Atheism is a belief in nothing. A belief, compared to say 'no beliefs.' And that is how I choose to define myself in relation to 'gods'. Not disbelief, but no beliefs.
Agnostic seems to imply uncertainty in that, one of the answers is correct, and you haven't yet decided which one it is. Like, you're unsure whether
X + Y = no god or
X + Y = god
I on the other hand, choose to ignore the question. If there is no question, there is no answer, there is neither an absence nor a presence. Because nothing is still something, and if I point at the lack of something (or the presence of nothing) over there, I am still pointing.
So I shall go through life without pointing, without remarking on the abundance of "evidence" or the inexactitude of conjecture. I don't care.
So fucking spare me your "I'm an atheist" spiel because it sounds just as faggy as the "Jesus is my lyfe" speech.

My brother is currently in Budapest and for that he can go to hell. I hope he chokes on this.
Have you tried impersonating a fetus lately? Why not give it a go?


UGH! It's good to be human.

White whine

Okay society, you win.
I've been without a job for over 3 years now. I am a university student. I have class 3 days a week.
I have never felt guilty about going out on a Thursday night knowing I had class the next day.
I don't feel guilty about attending parties, or spending an entire day just hanging with friends.
Let's be clear though, I have no idea what it is I'm feeling. Something like this I suppose:
Society, I am sure it's all your fault.

It's 4 days into my mid-semester break and I am at home.
Last night, just before bed, the thought of not having plans the next day terrified me. My last comfort was that I now had to sleep. I would be sleeping for at least 8 hours. Perhaps if I lapsed into a coma I'd never have to wake up to the confronting notion that I had nothing to do, let alone the notion that I SHOULD be doing something.

Ordinarily I wouldn't be doing much on a Tuesday anyway. My friends would all be at work or uni.
Somehow though, knowing that I had classes from Wednesday onward made me feel that my general idleness was earned. But I do not have classes for 2 weeks, and therefore I have no means of securing any kind of excuse for my leisurely lifestyle.

At this point, a job to me is what a holiday would be to the employed. A break from a life that has become nothing but leisure time, where relaxation has become dull and tiresome. I need a holiday from my holiday. Even this clip with accompanying music won't reassure me:

Okay, it reassures me a little bit. That and the phrase "You sit around, dye your hair and take drugs."
But at some point, this shit is gonna get old, real fast.


I really like the direction we're taking this in

Click to enlarge. I think you'll agree it's worth it.


Not too long ago I showed you this really freaky picture .
Now I'm just getting upset.

Mewto is not meant to look like Joan Rivers!

Here's the Deviant Art profile of the artist, just for credit's sake. Don't bother checking it. I certainly didn't.

Assorted LOLz from 23rd September 2010


This will be put on repeat until I am in dreamland tonight. I find this and the words of David Hasselhoff so soothing.

Another excellent thing to do is go to the Sexy People blog and click on the Mullet section and pick out partners for people you don't really care for. Or, really great hairstyles for yourself. Sometimes both.
When I start to feel overly sentimental about everything, (which I often tend to do, seeing as Facebook likes to keep me regularly updated with photographic evidence of wonderful memories made with gut-wrenchingly wonderful people) I find comfort and solace in the words of David Hasselhoff.

So what I do is I just sit, in a robe, and read from the modern day bible that is David Hasselhoff, Making Waves, The Autobiography.

"Pamela was wearing a halter top and a skirt. When we asked her to read from the script, she stood up, stripped off her top and skirt to reveal a swimsuit underneath. The guys couldn't take their eyes off her breasts because they were beautiful and they were real. I said, 'Put a camera on her.'"


Definitely my finest hour

Names David and I came up with for our friend's (yet to be born) daughter

  1. Cheese
  2. Trilogy
  3. Roger Federer
The way this lady feels about floorboards, is the way I feel about yumcha.


It would be nice to have a gorillian dollars.
Me: Guess who threw up in someone's living room last night? Go on. Guess.

Nikki: Oh you.

Nikki: Did you take your shirt off and let people take shots from between your breasts?


"Basically I'm a part time blogger and I design my own jewelery line, which is like a mix of religious iconography kind of with a Saved by the Bell vibe. We're putting on this rave in this abandoned mosque and all the proceeds are going to that thing that happened in the Middle East or Africa or whatever."

Movie reviews by Uncle Liamophagus

The Sorcerer's Apprentice
is probably not a good movie. But I found it pleasing, light and fun. It's a Disney movie, so expect awkwardly phrased and enthusiastically delivered lines about believing in yourself.
Ben 10: Alien force is a more emotionally mature piece of work, but let's face it, comparing anything to Ben 10 is kind of unfair.
On a scale from 1 to enjoyable, it's around an 8.

Going the Distance
is that movie with Drew Barrymore and that other guy. It cashes in on current social trends; lovable nerds and unconventionally attractive, articulate male losers with facial hair.
This movie features a great deal of swears and talk about dirty rough sex, despite falling into the "romantic comedy" genre. I don't know (nor care) whether this "vulgarity" makes a movie... but it certainly gives it an up to the minute feel. Let me try and explain:
5 years ago I would have been caught off guard if a woman had uttered the phrase "Suck my dick."
These days I hear it a lot. So when Drew Barrymore delivers this line in the movie, I was neither shocked, surprised, appalled nor amused... I was just like "Huh. We can say that in movies now."
My favourite part of the movie was Christina Applegate.
In short, Going the Distance wasn't a bad movie. But, my friends are funnier than this movie. Your friends probably aren't.

Easy A
Easy A was glorious. [To skip unnecessary remarks, go to Last Air Bender.]
It has been compared to Mean Girls and Clueless, assumedly because they are comedies with American female high school student protagonists. If you're not a dickfish you will see Mean Girls and Clueless are in fact, different movies, and in that proud tradition, Easy A is also completely different.
If there is anything in this movie to legitimately complain about however, it's the 15 seconds in which the lead character wears Ray Bans.
I am getting AIDs from seeing Ray Bans on everyone between the ages of 13 and 35. Okay! We get it! Ray Bans! Cool! (sarcasm) Wild! (sarcasm) Whatev! (not sarcasm)

The Last Air Bender
In the same vein as The Sorcerer's Apprentice, this movie's script is corny, cheesy, hackneyed and at times leaves you feeling like this:

But it is also fun, light, bubbly entertainment with cool fight scenes and special effects and magic and a dragon and some explosions like BOOM BOOM BOOM and a fish and a princess and a Malibu Stacy Home Dishwasher. I liked it! But I also like the cartoon on which it was based.
How embarrassing.

When friends don't even have to ask, they just know.

I'm kinda p.o'd because I spent a good segment of my day taking photos of really hilarious book titles, only to find the photos turned out bright and blurry as if I had been taking photos of the sun. You can sorta make out what this one's called:

Just pretend this was a really amazing blog post filled with funny photos of books taking themselves way too seriously.
I guess it wasn't a complete waste, because I did end up buying a book.

David Hasselhoff's autobiography, Making Waves. I can't believe it was only $2.95 you guys. You guys?
A room is, after all, a place where you hide from the wolves. That’s all any room is.”
— Jean Rhys


soup Adj good

During my first year of university, this girl and I decided to go get some sushi one night after classes. She was sipping on some miso soup when she heartily exclaimed "MMMmmmm Miso soup!"
To which I replied "Yes, you are."
We continued to call other things "so soup" for the rest of the evening. And then I just never let it go and I say it to her constantly. She's been living in the Netherlands for a year and most of the facebook interaction we have includes one of us calling something else "soup."
I still find it funny and I always will. Because it is so soup. SEE HOW FUNNY IT IS!?!!

Hang on guys, I just gotta brush my bat.
I just let out an audible "Oh my god!!"

Friday we celebrated Chelsea's birthday. Sadly I left early, since my loser friend and the only other person I knew at the party, Nikki, had work the following morning.

The plan was simple: Nikki would take a taxi home, and on the way drop me at a bus stop. I would catch the last bus into the city, where beloved "Night link" buses run all hours of the night.
(Note to self: buses back into the city stop at 1 am.)

I get out of the taxi and see that the electronic bus schedule is still illuminated, showing that the final bus is coming at 12:45 . The taxi drives off. The electronic bus schedule goes dead. I check the time and it is past 1.
I begin the 5000 km trek home.

I walked from an inner city suburb, all the way home. If we wanna get technical, I went from zone 2 to zone 5. Through some "not the safest" neighbourhoods, industrial areas, and over some highways. The $5 in my wallet and the vodka shots and bottles of wine in my system really left me with no other option. This is my journey:

Before my journey really began, I prepared myself. I took out my wallet and placed all my bank cards/ ID cards into the front of my undies. (I remember doing this because when I finally got home and changed into my pyjamas I was like "What the fuck are these doing in my underwear?") So when you are accosted by thugs, you simply hand over your wallet while actually retaining your important items and dignity. (If I had anything other than a $5 bill you can bet that would have been kept nice and safe down there too.)

At some stage before or after this billboard suggesting I make my smooth, a car of (what I assume to be) dudes (or possibly bros) stopped at the lights as I crossed and casually joked "Looking for a good time!?"

Ahaha, good one, fellas!


I thought it would be safer to go under the highway, rather than deal with on coming (though minimal for that hour of the night) traffic. What followed was heavily graffitied walls and a group of individuals lazing on the ground. I quickly turned back and took my chances with the traffic.

This is my friend Sir Rocksalot. He was not only my company for the journey home but also willing to be thrown into the face of any and all oncoming rapists.

This is a dead toad on a grate. I vaguely remember a truck driving past as I stood in the gutter taking a photo of this with my phone. I was embarrassed and had to constantly reassure myself - "Liam, you will never see that truck driver ever again."

This pole invited me to ask, so I did. "Why the fuck have I not called my parents to come pick me up?"

This is me and Sir Rocksalot only 8km or so away from home. I later discarded my dear friend when a police car drove past. In case they thought I was gonna smash Sir Rocksalot into an ATM or something. Seriously, can't a young man and his rock just walk around in the middle of the night without being hassled by the police!?
My journey sucked. About 10 minutes into my journey a white non-descript ute beeped and pulled up about 30 metres ahead of me. I saluted (I thought this was the signal for "No thanks, don't wanna be raped tonight") and quickly darted into someone's front yard pretending I was home. I stayed there, peering through the bushes until it left. I'm so glad I wasn't stabbed, mugged or raped, but still- Fuck walking home.


I like when Google reads my mind and I don't have to waste my time with bothersome things like typing full sentences.
Apparently there are 3 live action Ben 10 movies. How come everyone failed to mention this to me?


It's always fun when non English speakers get Facebook.
I can just imagine them sitting there thinking to themselves in whatever language "Yeah, my interests include men and women" and not really having any idea what the hell that means.
I don't have this shirt. So, you know.

I just don't know anymore. The lines between reality and photo shop are too blurred for me to discern anything anymore. I shake my head yet agree and accept then move on. What have we done?