I have to go clean my room. And purge. And recycle milk cartons. And leave the tap running while I brush my teeth.

I'll admit, I find Clare the Bogan adorable

What do you hate more, 12 year olds or 16 year olds?

I don't actually know any BUT I'm sure they're pretty horrid.
Anyone substantially 'douchier' than normal automatically receives a 12 label. Often paired with the phrase "What, are you 12?"
Remember when you were in senior year, and you'd look at those grade 9 kids and openly laugh/shudder. Those kids were 12. Possibly 16. I'm not sure of the exact difference. But it's an age where you're acting cooler than you should be.

Tell Tale Signs you are Between the Ages of 12 and 16 (and are therefore a loser)

When you're making out with your ugly girlfriend on a bus, twisting your tongue around hers in a mundanely repetitive motion while your friends watch, you are somewhere between the ages of 12 and 16.

When you roll the sleeves of your school sport's uniform up to reveal your 'ripped, pre-pubescent biceps' and anti-establishment views for school uniform policies, you are somewhere between the ages of 12 and 16.

When you shop at Supre for pop culture referencing slogan tees that no one's gonna remember in 2 years time, you're somewhere between the ages of 12 and 16.

When you're the Dalai Lama and you're just fed up with Chinese Socialist rule and you make a big scene and leave all your buddies back home in Tibet hanging. You are 12 or 16.

When drinking is cool and you proudly exclaim how 'wasted' you were last night, citing the number of cans and some fraction of a bottle you downed, there's a good chance you're between the ages of 12 or 16.

When you bum puff cigarettes.

When you have streaks in your hair.

When you wear an outfit comprised of several articles of clothing all from the same brand, usually Nike or Billabong.

When you're wearing the exact same thing as 7 of your friends.

When you have 200+ friends on online networking sites.

When you like 'Sex on Fire' by Kings of Leon.

When you're 30 years old and hanging out at the Mustang bar.

When you list 'Nirvana' as a favourite band but can name only 3 of their songs.

When you're into So You Think You Can Dance.

When you're a So You Think You Can Dance contestant.

Anyone associated with Australian Idol. (And any other Idol type show)

When you list 'Barack Obama' as one of your heroes

When you say you'd vote for 'Barack Obama' but are unfamiliar with any of his policies.


Make me study. Make me do my homework. Make me swap my lightbulbs for more energy efficient ones. Do these things or I'm fucked. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
"Where's Liam?"
"He's dancing in front of the jams."


You have 5 seconds to terminate this tape

Oh Hey Blog!

Hey Liam.

What's new? What's the cool jams?

Just being a blog. You know how it is. How about you?

Well, maybe you take a seat...
Are you seated.


Cool. Lookie lookie. But no touching.

Do you feel there are too many photos of Mt. Fuji? You see one and you just wanna puke. It's breathtaking and awe inspiring and over exposed, mass produced, instantly recognisable and as familiar as indie poetry slagging off Courtney Love yet idolising Yoko Ono.
Do you go to tourist destinations and take happy snaps? A photo you took yourself, with your own camera? The same shot that is being snapped by dozens around you, before you and after you? The same shot that someone far more astute in the ways of photogrpahy, with a camera far more superior to yours has already captured?
Is Mt Everest just the sluttier, white version of Mt Fuji that didn't break up The Beatles?

Mountains are little girls wearing t-shirts with slogans like "I'm a princess, You know it" and "Shower me in expensive jewellery." Mountains are nature gone retarded. Nature wasn't content with it's complete superiority over man, so mountains were just another big 'fuck you' to humankind.
Mountains may look pretty, but really, they're just in your way.


I just wanna be home for the weekend, summoning spirits and purging the nits from my friend's hair with a wet comb infront of monday morning commuters.
Is it too much to ask?

Buy me a pair of innocuous electrolegs! I've been ever so good!

Dear Mum,
being really good overseas. If I'm not wearing a tarp I'm pulling out. Things are hassle free. Can I go outside and play? Love, Liam


Did I mention...

that I had a really good friend once, who got a boyfriend and changed into things we had said we hated about couples.
And then you don't see her all that often because she's busy holding hands and taking party drugs with other people.
I'm not angry or confused. Just somewhat surprised at how easy it was to replace her. Should I take this to Doctor Phil? I should.
Or should I write a note about her body odour and get everyone to sign it? I will.

Lush shit

Coming to terms with the fact that the Thai design students in your class are better than you. They can design things you've never even imagined. Like a microwave-able tooth brush.

Dead turtle in parking lot on way to class.

Wasting time in class talking about doggy contact lenses and Chanel collars for your pooch or gimp.

Planning an outfit the night beforehand to wear the next day, but getting up 15 minutes before class starts and throwing on whatever is within reach and then not brushing your hair and being late for class. Realising you're hideous. Regret planning anything ever again.

Being appauled by the fact that the largest Pro Ana group on Facebook is all in French. And you can't read French.

Lame shit

Facebook posts corncerning the weather. Yeah, rain. It sure is rainy.

The dead turtle in the parking lot on the way to class this morning.

Talking about Australia to affected Japanese kids with no lives and scurvy.

Class at 8.50 am.

Hot days, cold nights, sweating beneath the covers, chocking on your own mullet while turning over. Smelling your fingers at 3 am and realising they smell like cigarettes from 2 days ago and not bothering to change your sheets because you know they're just going to mank up all over again.

Crappy candy.


If you're so fat why don't you just die?

Nagoya Design Centre

I went drinking with the PEOPLE WITH AIDS ALLIANCE. Fun night. That bunch know how to party.

Because sometimes you're eating dinner at the table and you wish your chair was a ladder. We've all been there. Whether it's a matter of convenience or a method of escaping monkeys, ladder chairs are a necessity nowadays.


Remember that time I came over and applied make-up to your face and you said I associated sexual crime with Islam and then you didn't speak to me and then I went to Japan?


This little fuck was very very well dressed.
It's a shocking wake-up call when toddlers are better dressed than you. I just felt ashamed knowing he had rolled out of his miniscule bed that morning, pressed his plaid trousers and matching plaid suspenders, put on that crisp white shirt, slipped on his biker boots, made a cup of coffee and strolled out the door looking a million bucks.
Japanese super markets make me milk.

It's fun to look back on old 'social networks' that none of your friends have used since 2005 and look at the pictures they still have up.

1 Japanese month 17 Japanese days