Uh, Liam sea cow

This marks my 2nd week back in Australia . And "1st week back in Australia Liam" was much much cooler. An all-round better person.
It's difficult not to be that guy who always bags out on stuff. Constantly comparing, complaining and starting sentences with "In Japan...".
I'd much prefer if people would stop asking me vague/general questions about it. Or maybe I'll just save all the hassle and print out these stock-standard answer sheets.

Standard question: How was Japan?
Standard response: Good.
What people really wanna hear: I impregnated a girl and overcame a sex addiction.


Standard question: What did you do for fun there?
Standard response: Partied, ate, went to tourist destinations, stayed up late. What I usually do for fun... just in Japan.
What people really wanna hear: In Japan we ride leopards around for fun. And burn witches. They don't have any bars or live music, so I had to study karate for fun.


Standard question: What did you eat?
Standard response: Food.
What people really wanna hear: Bugs and more bugs.


Standard question: What do you like about Japan?
Standard response: The nice things.
What people really wanna hear: An in depth report on every fucking thing that I find pleasant about Japan, ranging from climate to sociocultural by-products of a former fascist nation under supreme religious rule now dealing with what some might call excessive liberties and freedom and a historically conservative cellular memory.

Cunts, be specific.