enjoyable text

Anyway...when i find out my work hours we will plan to do something like braid eachothers hair and gossip about boys. Either that or wax my back hair.

-Nikki 18th march 09

Mopboy yahoo answers

Best theme ever

May possibly even beat Matt's vending machine themed party

can't sleep

Wide awake until the early hours of the morning, not under the influence of any stimulants, just bright eyed and oily haired. Then I wake up feeling like this

enjoyable text

Seriously. What is -name redacted- wearing today?!?

What what what? The most gut wrenching outfit known to man? btw is it purple gunt day today?

Urgh it accentuates -person's- gunt thats for sure. Mini ----- ----- ----- that wouldn't even look good on miranda kerr, a ----- ------ with some kind of wanna be sports top made out of -------- material with a ---- and ---- up across the boobs. It was horrible there was Gunt everywhere the kids were crying.
This was on an older post from Human Evolution.
And this is what it inspired me to do.
I know what you're thinking. Since when was Alex Mack a celebrity?
I chopped off the parts of my hair that were annoying me.

And I'm gonna put it in a box to keep while I decide what to do with it...

Like make it into a wedding cake.

scientific breakthrough

Ever heard of 'new baby smell'?
It's apparently this fragrance that newborns miraculosuly release through their tiny baby pores.
I think I smelt it on my neice. It could have been the baby soap used during bath time though.

Either way, I just figured
it smells like a glass cup that you've been drinking tap water out of all day.
True story.


People's clothing in Queensland is (generally) shite and generic. It's not uncommon to see people dressed like they're off to drown rats in a bathtub they keep in their barn.

Why can't people be more like this?

Enjoyable texts

Look Liam.. i think ur being really selfish. The fact is i spent $600 on clothes today and i need people to see me wear them and that is why tomorrow night will be awesome!

5 March 09


I visited my sister and her new baby daughter this week. They have an apartment in Mackay, which, despite it's stunning displays of Babylonian architecture, the scholarly locals and it's fine cuisine, I guess is a place where people with problems come to die.
My sister's husband is a nice man. An incredibly dumb, nice man. Borderline retarded.

Possibly the least articulate man I've ever met. Listening to him try and string together a coherent sentence was at first entertaining. Now it's painful.
I've found myself looking at my sister while he's mid sentence, hoping she'll translate what he's trying to say into something intelligible.
He's also fat. Ugh!

I spent 3 days with my sister, my niece and my brother in law. The longest I've ever spent with him. He showed me the new gun he bought. I pretended to be excited.
So he's into guns. Which is kinda a big deal seeing as it's Australia. I doubt he's capable of going on a rampage. He's too nice. But he's a dumb fat douche who's into guns. My sister really knows how to choose 'em.

I'll post photos later.


drain the nectar from the bee

These geckos were having sex on the kitchen window. It's like get a fuckin' room. So un-wholesome.

I put acid on my hands today. It stopped the sweating just like you said... but it also melted my hands away to stumps. I now shakes people's hands with my tongue.
I got it to talk to a friend who didn't have myspace.

I'm against facebook. Has anyone else noticed that it caters primarily to out of touch 30 somethings? It's whole layout reaks of mid-life crisis. What's more, my brothers and sisters are on there. I don't know how old exactly my siblings are, but I'm pretty sure they're not elligible for life insurance policies on account of their rapidly deteriorating youth. Oh, and I know people who have their parents on facebook. Ugh.


Saturday night was a little intense at times

Marilyn myer is in a dark purple theme today with a greyish purple fur shawl. and she's sitting at maccas talking to an early 30s asian gentleman.

I win. the fat mole social retard i work with had a breakdown today complete with bursting into tears infront of the crowd of customers and when i tried to comfort her she collapsed into a fat heap and was convulsing.

If only she'd collapsed into a deep fryer.

Or onto a baby.

Is the baby deep fried or in the process of being deep fried?

Ok ok so the baby was tip toe-ing precariously on the ledge and then fat mole social reject collapses on the baby subsequently frying the baby and her face.


The Vale

The Vale (Calamvale Hotel) is a pub/restaurant/ "nightclub". Also, it's the diffinitive 'local' for my suburb/ people I went to primary school with.

Sadly I've been there a couple of times. For me I guess it sucks because it plays the latest RnB type music and occasionally those 'classic' hip-hop tunes from the 1980's that nowadays are basically just jokes.
So their music catalogue = the songs you'd use for musical chairs on your nephew's 7th birthday that gets all the mums around bopping and semi- krumping inappropriately.
But I knew it wasn't just me when I heard some girl on the bus talking. She was right at the back of the bus, talking about some of her friends who were still 17, relatively pretty and wearing the usual trendy clothes. Basically, she was cool.
So I trust what she had to say:
"Yeah, I went to the Vale last week. It's so lame. You're basically there for 10 minutes then you're like what am I doing here? Let's go to a real club."
Sure the Vale is a conveniently close place to listen to bad music and get drunk, but let's not pretend it's anything great...
and maybe we can all be like the popular pretty 18 year olds who sit at the back of the bus... and not those sad people who think the Vale is hip.

Photos from the official Vale myspace page. The Pressure Lounge or something.

Enjoyable texts

Hey liam.
im sori the pub is a no go 4 me 2nite.
i cant stop throwing up. but u may still cum ova.

From Amie, 3/3/09

"Put your hand up if you're not interested in Australian foreign policy"

I saw Watchmen last week. There's a scene where one of the main characters says something about retarded children and an abatoir. If there's one line from that movie that becomes an enduring catch phrase I hope it's that.


Recently everybody on facebook has posted this picture, and has their friends tagged as the characters.
Yeah it's fun to associate you and your friends with fictional characters and simplified personality traits. Karen L. = happy Carita = depressed Soraya = Mexican Thomas= Blue Power Ranger

Makes you feel like one big happy family, each member with something unique to offer. But instead of reducing people to just being Mr Tall or Miss Happy wouldn't it be fun to associate your friends with the people in this photo?

Or this one?
Saturday night I've got 3 possible options. A pub crawl preceded by house drinking preceded by a BBQ. The 20th birthday party of a high school friend at a local-ish pub.
And this, via text :

"Hey if you weren't such a liam. You would not have plans and would have joined me in crashing the neighbours party that technically i'm invited to on sat. Now i will either have to go solo and make out with one and steal his toaster or hide in my room and spy at carefully timed intervals at the festivities."

Clearly the notion of attending a party where I am "friends of the neighbours" sounds fun. As does the added bonus of spying on them through a bedroom window next door, and possibly stealing their toaster or some other major household appliance.
3 fun options... can only choose 1... Why can't it be you?

Now I know how Michael Keaton felt in that movie where he clones himself to be at multiple places simultaneously... like his career hit rock bottom.
Tonight I watched most of an episode of Life on Mars. I had said I'd never watch it because of those annoying ads they constantly ran before it started with the douche staring at the intact World Trade Center and the annoying song asking whether their is life on Mars. That and I think the entire concept is stupid.
So Life on Mars is shot in this semi-sepia tone, like it's constantly late afternoon. I guess it's to make it seem more 'retro', like the world back then actually looked like it was a low budget home video. Who's to say it didn't?
Oh and EVERYONE has stupid haircuts. Including extras. It's like, we know it's the 1970's! Enough already!

Oh, and if you've ever seen an episode of Cold Case, you know how there's that scene every episode where an old sad and/or inspirational song plays while some old guy is walking/ sitting in slow motion? And then it flashes and he's young again, the way he looked precisely when the crime was committed. Then it flashes back and he's all old once more.
That scene gets me everytime. Makes me feel all sentimental and I relive the 80's. Then I realise I never experienced the 80's apart from those 2 years of infancy.
Yeah, if Cold Case didn't have those scenes it'd totally be shit.


vice, bless it

Australian so you think you can dance is boring to watch and painful to listen to. In an attempt to resist plunging my coke nail into my eye out of boredom, I put together my (current) top 10 D&D's from Vice. So compiling photos with captions that I stole off the internet is practically an infringement of intellectual copyright laws right? See what crappy television drove me to? Oh, and narrowing it down to 10 wasn't easy. So give me a fuckin' medal.