Just because your sister can't get a guy doesn't mean she is a lesbian.

Just because your sister is a lesbian doesn't mean she can't get a guy.


Imagine getting punched in the face by your idol. Someone you truly respected, maybe even loved a little.
Now imagine what it feels like to be a daisy.
Absolute serenity, no? Anger and humiliation to a vegetative state. Feel good?

Now imagine you're a daisy, soaking up some warm sunlight on a hill and your idol mows you over with a tractor.

This is like a few months old. But still, isn't it funny how you have those friends from school who are now studying medicine related what-not and those other friends who are now, as far as you can tell, starring in porn. Such subtle contrast.
God bless Facebook.

Songs you should lose your virginity to again and again and again and again

  • German Bold Italic - Towa Tei feat. Kylie Minogue
  • Idealistic - Digitalism
  • Save It For Later - Harvey Danger



It's a concept that encompasses several things everyone loves. Dolphins, intergalactic Jewish cowboys etc.
I can't say I really get it. Nor do I find the ones I do get to be all that funny. Infact, I'm not completely sure that it's not borderline racist. And I do mean the bad racist.
And as an art piece, it's sub-standard, even by blog standards. Okay, not by blog standards.
But why do I find it, in some obscure and possibly sinister way, so appealing?

I never

If you've done it then you drink

I've never been present at a birth. Not even my own. A week before my ETA I sublet my mum's womb and rented it out to 3 Jews because I knew I didn't wanna be there when it happened.
Up until a year ago I'd never held a baby.I've never smelt the fabled 'new baby smell.' And you know how everyone rages on about how good this smell is.
Smelling a small human being recently excavated from another human being. Sounds amazing.

I've never been to outer space. Yay! Because space is lame. Space movies, unless they're about aliens, suck.
Wasting my time in zero gravity, looking at the shitty black view and eating vitamin enriched space food is for suckers.
They say that when you view the Earth from outer space, you realise how beautiful and lonely our planet is. It is said to inspire you to want to take care of the one planet we have.
Which is nice, you know, having an epiphany and all after the spaceship you're on has just burnt a few gallons of fuel to propel your white bitch ass into space. That must make you feel like a real fuck.
So NASA spends obscene amounts of money on space projects. So what? Like, we need to know more about the moon. And Saturn. We need to know EXACTLY what the deal is with Saturn.

I've never punched yo mumma in the face.

Why aren't you this cool?



Milk is all creamy and velvety smooth like the voice of an African American singer. Soy is all thin and possibly granular at times, like the voice of a white women.
Milk gives us the blessing of cheese, chocolate and calcium. Soy gave us tofu.
Milk comes from a nipple, arguably a very sexy part of any animal. Soy comes from a bean, the least sexy vegetable.
The mammary gland, toiling hard through flesh and blood to produce the nutritious liquid known as milk, is all part of the mystical biological masterpiece.
Soy is produced through photosynthesis, which is all about chloroplasts getting their 'The Sound of Music' on and dancing like a douche in the sunlight.


Interesting concept. Probs gonna suck. And suck hard.

Jennifer's Body
List of things to do today

  • Pray to god on stray pube - ask him for a new toothbrush



The word 'franchise' reminds me a lot of 'french fries'.

Aren't these guys just the cutest lesbian couple you've ever seen?

To relax some people eat yoghurt. And some people find walking their dog to be relaxing.

In order to pump themselves up for a big event, there are people who decide to grow a moustache, or visit Holocaust memorial museums.

Athletes have been known to wear or carry personal trinkets that they believe to be good luck, in order to win in their respective sports, while others take performance enhancing drugs.

Others motivate themselves with Hello Kitty candy. The most performance enhancing drug there is.

Today is...

Blowing on an eyelash and making a wish is disgusting.

Praying to god on a stray pube.


Would you like to see some seriously crappy photography?

This 'photographer' was in my Japanese class last year. He's also on facebook, showing off his works:
I know, I know, I know... try not to puke from sarcastic laughing.
You know what's funny? Dressing babies up like Hitler!