White whine

Okay society, you win.
I've been without a job for over 3 years now. I am a university student. I have class 3 days a week.
I have never felt guilty about going out on a Thursday night knowing I had class the next day.
I don't feel guilty about attending parties, or spending an entire day just hanging with friends.
Let's be clear though, I have no idea what it is I'm feeling. Something like this I suppose:
Society, I am sure it's all your fault.

It's 4 days into my mid-semester break and I am at home.
Last night, just before bed, the thought of not having plans the next day terrified me. My last comfort was that I now had to sleep. I would be sleeping for at least 8 hours. Perhaps if I lapsed into a coma I'd never have to wake up to the confronting notion that I had nothing to do, let alone the notion that I SHOULD be doing something.

Ordinarily I wouldn't be doing much on a Tuesday anyway. My friends would all be at work or uni.
Somehow though, knowing that I had classes from Wednesday onward made me feel that my general idleness was earned. But I do not have classes for 2 weeks, and therefore I have no means of securing any kind of excuse for my leisurely lifestyle.

At this point, a job to me is what a holiday would be to the employed. A break from a life that has become nothing but leisure time, where relaxation has become dull and tiresome. I need a holiday from my holiday. Even this clip with accompanying music won't reassure me:

Okay, it reassures me a little bit. That and the phrase "You sit around, dye your hair and take drugs."
But at some point, this shit is gonna get old, real fast.