Uh, Liam sea cow

Today I ran into someone I had hoped to never run into.
Here's the thought process and how things went down:

• That looks li- oh dear god. Just pretend you don't recognise him.
  
  
• He's looking at you. Play it cool.
  
  
• It's okay, you are wearing sunglasses and a hat. You are so far removed from any kind of visual recognition you may as well be invisible.
  

I mean, check out this level of fucking urban camouflage. The middle photo; that's me being incognito in my own kitchen. You'd need a fucking GPS to find me in that kitchen, dressed like that.

• I'm 2 steps past him and the smell of freedom fills my nostrils.
  
  
• He's grabbed my arm. He's holding me back from freedom. He's said my name.
  
  
• If I look confused he will assume I don't know him and that he has mistaken me for someone else. After all, I am wearing sunglasses and a hat.
  

2 seconds of giving him a concentrated dosage of my best 'confused face' pass and I realise my charade is up. In a panic I wondered whether I should put on an accent and keep the confused look, hoping he will come to accept that I am just someone who looks strikingly similar to me. But alas, I didn't. The jig was completely up.

• Conversation ensues
  

Me: "Oh, wow, what are you doing here!?"

My brain: You know precisely what he is doing here. Just act sincere and surprised and then act dead. Isn't that in the event of a crocodile attack? Probably. Did you watch Buffy last night? Yeah, I did. I stayed up until midnight to watch it. I wonder if it's on at a more reasonable hour on pay TV? Brain, remind me to look into pay TV. Okay.

Him: blah blah blah

Me: Oh, that's great.

My brain: We're going to exchange phone numbers. Would you like me to self-destruct? No? Okay then. *SIGH*

Him: Blah blah phone number jibber jabber jibber jabber

Meanwhile, I'm keying his number into my phone and I realise, I have forgotten his name. That's how much I have suppressed any record of the two of us ever having met.
I aimlessly type in some letters before I remember his very simple, very short name: 'K'.

The highly anticipated end of our impromptu meeting was, as with its beginning and middle segments, highly unremarkable.
He mentioned that he now has an Australian girlfriend and expressed his disappointment that he didn't have time to come see my sister (with whom I was meeting for lunch).

The most chilling aspect of this, however, is that you can no longer be anonymous. I WAS FUCKING INCOGNITO. In fact, here's a list of the things I wasn't wearing:

• Yellow imitation leather
• Drug print t-shirt
• This abomination
• Mismatching print cardigan
• Red plaid pants
• Blue camouflage pants