20.7.10

Day 15: A letter to your crotch

Dear crotch,

We've had some fun times together. You're like, a really good friend.
And since you've always done right by me, I make the effort to dress you in interesting pants. I'm sure you like that. Even when they're way too tight.
That's why we make such a great team - we both bring something to the table.
I feel like I can just call on you whenever I want, for a chat, for a serious conversation about the structural flaws of the universe, for some one-on-one time (eww!). You're pretty much the best girlfriend I've ever had. Yup, my penis, best girlfriend ever. Most guys would say that about their crotch, I suppose. But it goes without saying that we share a very serious, if some what disconnected relationship with our crotches. I mean, I'm writing it a letter.
And I'm pussy-footing around, being all nice and friendly, not because I'm a nice, friendly person, but because I know if I let something slip, say the wrong thing, my penis won't hesitate to ruin my life. I've seen the ads for 'erectile dysfunction'... I've been in the car with my dad, with the radio tuned into an ad about 'lasting longer in the bedroom thanks to nasal delivery technology'.
So, listen crotch, you fuck with me, and I'm gonna fuck with you too. I might just give you an embarrassing haircut. See how that feels! OR I'll get you tattooed. So, consider this a warning. Continue being my pal, and no one gets hurt.

Muchas gracias, Liam

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