But despite that, I'm still not waisting my time with a convectional security system. Instead of dogs or bodyguards, both of which can turn on you when bribed with a meat patty, I'll have something so much more.
It's a collection of infants with chainsaws... released at the intruder. The pros of having children, old enough to walk but young enough to be cute, with chainsaws are numerous. But it's beauty lies in it's simplicity.
Firstly, the children (ranging from 4 to 7 years old) would not have the motor skills required to effectively handle a chainsaw. While there's a chance they'll actually do some damage to the intruder, there's a greater chance they'll carelessly chainsaw their comrades or their own legs off. This very image of grotesque, accidentally self-inflicted child amputation would reduce any human with the slightest sense of decency to a whimpering heap on the ground. I call this a passive-aggressive approach. The intent is not to physically harm the trespasser, but drive him into madness.
Also:
- These kids are probably just orphans. They don't eat much, and housing them is relatively cheap.
- Brainwashing them into cutting strangers down with a chainsaw would be relatively easy. Kids are notoriously easy to brainwash.
- And let me reiterate: What kind of sick, soulless human being would fight kids? Presumably my residence is being infiltrated because I'm a power hungry mad man that needs to be stopped. Presumably it's a selfless hero type figure breaking in. Presumably he'd stop dead at the sight of children. His only weakness.
I know what you're thinking. You want this idea all for yourself. Fine, steal it from me. But you know intellectual piracy is a crime. Does that sit well with you?
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