Wooo! Yeah, you rock!

You know what I love?!? Facebook updates about what people are doing tonight. Or at a very precise moment. Just everyday sort of things, you know? I love that. I don't here enough of it and I spend most of my free time wishing I knew more about the insane randomness of people's lives. Man, you guys! You guys are exciting.
And here are my main favourites, plus what they're really trying to say, minus the facebook innuendo:

• "I'm going out tonight!" aka "I need to prove to you all I have a social life, though by doing this I just confirm that going out is such a rare occurrence for me, that I feel I have to mark the occasion with a status update"
  This status update also comes in 'seeing a movie tonight' and 'catching up with x individual/group'. Though the most appealing forms are 'going to Garden city tonight' and 'having dinner at cafe/restaurant'. Riveting.
  Check-it, we all go out.

• "Gonna party!" aka "My sad sad life needs to look appealing. Look at me! Look at me!"
  This status update is reserved for when you really want to distinguish your usual boring plans from something that might sound interesting. You can also add in a destination if you're feeling bold e.g. "Partying it up at the Vic". But be warned, if you mention a club or a bar, everyone knows it's not an actual party. (Why? Because no one will be having sexual relations on someone else's linen. And a club and a party are different because of that.)

• "Dinner, then club, then work, then another party!" aka "My social calender is so packed. Look how popular I am. Look how busy I am. I'm so adult-like, multi-tasking some part time job/study with clubbing and a perfunctory 21st birthday."
  Sometimes people go for the "21st this weekend, then ANOTHER 21st next weekend! Whoo!" status approach. This however, is suicide. Everyone knows you'll have a week to recover, and will wonder why you're such a pussy about it.
  Yeah, isn't it funny how things happen in a sort of linear fashion, one after the other, in correspondence with the passage of time? Just relax. It's natural to do things one after the other. It's natural to have more than 1 social occasion without a gap in between. It's natural to not have plans once a month.

• "So hung over!" aka "Ya'll see? I just did something social. I am a party animal. I DO have a social life. I DO. See?!?"
  This is usually a 2 parter. First you're all like "Sooo going out tonight!" then you quickly hop on facebook the next day (realise no one gives a shit) and then update that status to something along the lines of "Last night was soooo epic. So wasted!" And that's how you make friends.