Uh, Liam sea cow

How to Have a Great Night

The simple 22 step guide

1. The bar. Long Island Ice Tea. Certainly sir.
2. Leave your friends safely dancing in an erotic circle they'll most probably regret being in.
3. Talk to girls seated at the edge of the dance floor.
4. Some other girl walks past and draws you into a dancing conversation. Awkward.
5. But wait. She has a hot friend. Talk to her instead.
6. Oh Hello! The awkward bitch has dragged you back. You are hers now.
7. Notice she has cigarettes. Can I borrow one of those?
8. Oh My God, these are the best cigarettes ever.
9. Yes, they are apple flavoured you pussy.
10. But they taste like marshmallow.
11. She's not so bad after all.
12. Chat to her. Have another Long Island.
13. No, wait, she is bad.
14. Push her off onto a friend.
15. She's back. With a vengeance. Her cigarettes are all gone.
16. Die inside.
17. Have a Long Island, baby.
18. Oh. You're still here. Shouldn't you step out for more cigarettes? Oh, dance? I'm not sure, I'm not really feelin- Oh...kay.
19. Dance.
20. Awkwardly.
21. Find the sluttiest person you know, but barely ever see.
22. End up dancing with a fat Scottish girl in order to make cigarette-less stalker over there jealous.
23. That's right. This Scottish terrier is all mine.
24. You know what you need. A Long Island iced with Ice Tea. Icey!