This blog has, for the time being, moved here http://liamlowvoltage.tumblr.com/

Let's see how this goes. Or something.

It's been so long since we had a proper girls night out, just with the lads

HOLY shizz!

So, I have a Rasta guardian angel, y'know. http://liamlowvoltage.blogspot.com/2010/11/did-i-ever-tell-you-about-my-guardian.html

And ...
I now know ...
where he lives.

On my fucking street.
Saw him today, mowing his lawn.
The most angelic fucking lawn you'll ever lay eyes on.

"I smacked that bitch up hard. So why is it Boxing Day then?"

Can you not watch a 2 minute clip of a bunny grooming itself without Honda Civic Type R advertisements all up in your face!?

Let's not and say we did.

My friend Rush, who is of Bangladeshi decent, is currently in Bangladesh with family. She's vividly anti-theological, with vividly conservative Muslim parents. It's the best! Oh, and like many of my friends, we like to think she's romantically involved with my mother.

I long for yo mama everyday man. Everyday my heart aches. And yeah, the culture in Bangy is the worst culture in the world. I hope you know that. I'm gonna be wearing a burka tomorrow. So exciting.
30 Nov 8:44pm

Sorry dude. Ran out of credit. But no, I dont have to wear a burka. I WANT to. lol one, theres not a million guys staring at you, two, its kind of amazing. Its kind of an invisibility cloak. Im the female harry potter, bitch.

1 Jan 5:16pm

I'll text her sometime soon to see how she's handling Hogwarts, Bangladesh Campus.

Just called to say thank you. Ur creative idea of a kkk boy committing suicide after knocking up a slut who had a black baby for my scriptwriting play must have been a hit and entertained my teachers to have let me pass my english course :) Wouldntve been possible without ur help!
- Karen
5:20pm 30th Nov

(I met Karen in Japanese class, first year of uni. She is graduating. I get teary thinking about our time at uni ending. I'm genuinely happy for her but at the same time, I wish we could all bake a cake of rainbows and smiles and graduate together holding hands, and happiness would radiate out of our butt cracks and world hunger would be a thing of the past.)

You know that age old adage "You are what you blog?"
Which essentially makes me Henry and Beverly Hills 90210.

I so have no grip right now. I think i threw up and had a sausage roll.
-27th Nov 1:27am

Compared to his usual texts, which are complex masterpieces, this text, this text about throwing up, and then having a sausage roll plays on the simple concept of continuity, and in it's simplicity, is, in and of itself, a triumph of English literature.
I can only assume that when Henry texts, his fingers channel some pool of raw humanity that is off-limits to others. Here's what I mean:

Haha maybe. Or maybe i'll gag myself and then swallow my own vomit?
- 4th Nov 6:49pm

Henry's texts seem to revolve around common themes and although his prose tends to lie somewhere between Baroque and existential, with a tendency to be Neo-romantic at times, obvious influences would (presumably) include the more modern works of Sylvia Plath and Perfume. (citation needed)

If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
- 2nd Nov 11:19am

Edit:

Him:

Me:

On the 13th of November (last month), I experienced "5 indulgent layers of vertical yum!"

For those of you who are new to vertical yum, a little advice:
You may think you're ready. You may say to yourself "How vertical can this yum be?"
Let me tell you, it's the most vertical yum that ever existed.

God didn't know what to do with himself when he came up with the concept of layering yum in the least horizontal of manners.

For Axel

Note: I never show Axel the respect he deserves. Not as my intellectual superior; not as the penultimate example of genetic European evolution that he is, and certainly not as a human being. So, in honour of tradition, I thought it fit that I should be the one to "flip him the bird" in this 'pop-culturally' relevant fashion.

Here's to Axel, and here's to the 'retarded hive-mind'.

fsm

Do you ever dip delicious things that aren't as absorbent as you'd hoped into coffee, and then when you pull it out, due to its lack of absorbency it's dripping hot coffee onto your everything- hand, floor, mum's vagina?

In Australian primary schools, where school uniforms are usually mandatory, there are days when you're allowed to wear regular clothes to school if you bring a coin donation. It's school fundraising and a weird concept that no one ever challenged or thought deeply about.

First grade, the day before my first 'free dress day' experience, my teacher, Mrs Clo (Chlo? Cloe? Klow?) was giving us the low-down on what would be appropriate and inappropriate attire for the class room.
All I can recall her saying was "Don't come to school with jeans ripped at the knees."
(Obviously the 90's)
But what I think about now is, who the fuck did she think bought our clothes at that age? Axl Rose?

Toooo cute >< EEEEEeeeeeeッ

I will never find emotional vulnerability more tolerable than what this image here encapsulates. Never.

I've never wondered what we have become as a direct result of Facebook. But if I had to prepare a short presentation on the topic, you can bet "Dom" here would be around 75% of the source material.
This is the most bizarre display pic I have ever, EVER seen.
That bird does not like being held at that angle. What animal does like being held up against a grown man's face; sandwiched between lips and the force of gravity?

Normally I would, of course, condone something this advant garde.
Buuut... (according to Facebook) his interests include "motorcycles" and "martial arts"... so perhaps this in just unintentionally... funny.

Here's to the kids who just don't get it.

"Hhhmmm, upload a profile picture? What about the one where I'm lying down with a parrot to my face? Yes. Yes, I'm sure no one would ever think of blogging about that. In the clear!"

Wikilicious

If I had to compile a list of my favourite Wikipedia articles, these would most certainly make the cut:

King of Cambodia, Norodom Sihamoni

Ai Iijima (courtesy of Richard)

Human zoo

Pokemon bandages: essential

"Kids Ban!"